I have been a stay at home mom for almost 8 years now. I never planned on being a stay at home mom, I kinda fell into it. I always thought I would have an important career and do amazing things. Secretly, I wanted to go into politics. Crazy right? Who actually WANTS to do that?! Maybe I've watched a little too much West Wing...no really, I do watch too much West Wing. But ya, politics. I wanted to do things, make a difference, and impact lives. So I never pictured myself being a stay at home mom.
I had this amazing mommy mentor when I had my first 2 babies. She was the epitome of a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). She cooked, she baked, she cleaned and organized her house. She opened her house up to guests all the time. Hostessing was her spiritual gift. She took care of her girls tirelessly. She even took lunch to them everyday at school (ok, that was over the top but you get the idea). Her job was her home, her family and her kids. She was incredible at it and I never once heard her complain about it. This was her gifting, her life and her legacy to leave for her girls. My mommy mentor went home to be with the Lord about 4 years ago, but boy, the impact she left is still felt to this day. So when I think about being a SAHM, I measure myself up to her and pretty much every day I miss the mark.
I struggle every day to get kids with shoes on the right feet, clothes that match and prayerfully, sometimes, my kids are bathed! I struggle putting wrinkled clothes away, because they've been sitting in the dryer for 2 days. Well, first they got washed in the washer twice because I forgot, then they sat in the dryer for two days. I struggle keeping up with my dishes. I have to do 2 loads a day to keep up with them...ya that ain't happening. I struggle paying bills on time because paperwork piles up on my table before I realize I didn't pay the bill, then the dreaded pink notice from the water company shows up in the mail. Forget cleaning my house. I'm lucky if it's picked up. (I've actually resorted to a house cleaner twice a month because it would be a science project around here if I didn't). I grocery shop, plan my meals and then forget to pull out the meat to thaw and we end up eating at the Taqueria. This is me as a SAHM. If I had to give myself a grade, F being your kids are dying, D being most needs are being met, I am about a C-. I'm just terrible at it. I stumble and fumble my way through it. I try and try and when I finally figure out something, I fail at all the other things. It's a vicious cycle.
So lately, I've been asking God to show me His purpose in all this. To show me the purpose in what I am doing every day. Being a SAHM is not glamorous. It's thankless, it's tiring, IT'S HUMBLING and it's very easy to get caught up in the "I'm useless and without purpose" mode. Especially when you're me and you're not very good at your job. So the other day, He started showing me the reason behind all that I do.
6:45am- I woke up to a FB message that my friend's son was in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy.
7am- I'm eating my breakfast before everyone else does so I can be more available to their needs. (My purpose- to meet someone else's need)
7:30-8:15am- I am feeding children, I am tying shoes, brushing hair, reminding #1 to pack his homework, making sure teeth are brushed, dog is fed and lunches are packed. (Purpose- to help my kids be successful for their day and meet someone else's need)
8:15am- Driving kids to school. (Purpose- how else would my kids get there if I wasn't available?)
8:30am- I am at the drive thru at Starbucks grabbing coffee for my friend in the hospital. (Purpose- If I wasn't a SAHM, I couldn't serve her in this way).
9-10am- I am visiting with my friend in the hospital. (Purpose- If I worked elsewhere, I couldn't do this).
10am-12pm- I grocery shop at 2 different stores for my family. (Purpose- to meet my family's nutritional needs).
12:30-2:30pm- I am home with my napping kids. (Purpose- so my babes are healthily growing and aren't grumpy). I am folding clothes, doing the dishes and forget to pull out the meat for dinner. (My purpose- so my kids have clothes that can be found for school the next day and clean bowls for breakfast).
2:45pm- I am driving to pick up my oldest from school. (Purpose- who else would be able to get him?)
3-4:30pm- I am helping with homework, feeding kids snacks and refereeing fights. (Purpose- helping my kids grow, be successful in school and life).
4:30-5:30pm- I AM AT THE GYM!! (Purpose- FOR MY SANITY)
5:30pm-7:30pm- I am cooking hot dogs because I forgot to thaw my meat for my healthy dinner, refereeing, reminding kids to put backpacks in their bedrooms, pick up socks/shoes, talking to my husband about his day, correcting bad behaviors, remind kids not to yell in the house, supervise son on the Internet for school, feeding kids, picking up after dinner, helping son look for a lost library book, consoling a child who stubbed their toe, putting soccer ball back in soccer bag otherwise it will get lost, moving shoes back to their closet or they will get lost, and finally reminding kids to get ready for bed and dealing with the whines that come with it. (Purpose- too much to go over...mostly because I have to help meet someone else's needs. I have to teach, correct and guide because I am raising kids).
7:30-8:30pm- Chase down the 3 year old with pj's, tell other two to put on pj's, remind kids to brush teeth, help 3 year old with toothpaste, referee fights over the toothpaste, refereeing who gets to sleep in mommy's bed, pray with all 3 kids, allow all 3 kids to pray, remind oldest that farting noises are not appropriate during prayer time, remind 3 year old that farting noises are not appropriate, get water for 3 kids 3 different times, pick up more socks, find blankets and comfort animals, help 3 year old with jammies so he can go potty 3 different times, remind kids to stop talking, kiss and hug all 3 kids 3 different times and finally plop down on the couch! (Purpose- raising my 3 kids and so much more).
And this was just my Monday.
I may not be the best at my job, but thankfully God is allowing me to partner with Him in raising these 3 kids and taking care of my home. I am so not good at it, but God isn't asking me to be good at it. He's asking me to be obedient to the job He's called me into for the season that I am in it. When I asked Him to start showing me purpose, it was as if He was speaking it to me every time I did something. So, if you're like me and you are starting to feel useless and without purpose, ask God to show you His purpose. It may not be "...Because I am preparing you to go into politics..." (You know, in like this awesome booming voice with a flag waving in the background). It might just might be "...Because I need you to be AVAILABLE to help someone else that desperately needs it.." That may not always be a friend in the hospital, it might be 3 little kids who need love, discipline and their physical needs met every day, all the time! Being a Stay at Hom Mom is thankless, not glamorous, humbling and tiring, but FULL of purpose.
Lord,
Thank you for allowing me to partner with you in your purpose for my life and for the lives around me. Help me to stay humble and willing to serve in whatever capacity that might be. Whether it is sock pick up or refereeing fights. God, would you allow me to see Your purpose in all that I do. Thank you for trusting me to do this job. Even though I may not be good at it, God I know your grace is sufficient for me and your power is made perfect in my weakness- 2 Cor. 12:9. Help me to rest in your grace and allow your power to reign over my shortcomings. I love you Lord and I know that you love me.
Love, Reese <3
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Change, Goals and Faith
Well, a lot has happened since the last time I sat down to write on this blog. We decided to move back from Texas after living there for 3 months and it not being all that we thought it would be. Chris' business was doing well when we decided to leave California. So when we decided to move to Texas, he turned down all of his leads for new projects with thought that Texas was going to be our new journey. When we decided that Texas was not the place we should be, my husband and I figured we should move back to Modesto where we would at least have the support needed to bounce back as quickly as possible. However, we moved back with no home and no jobs! Chris felt confident that our business, Cedar Creek, would be able to rebuild again. We knew God was calling us back to Modesto, but that first month of being back was probably one of the toughest months of my life. We were fortunate enough to house sit for some friends of ours while we house hunted. I have never understood what it would be like to be homeless, but I got a hefty glimpse of it for about a month. My kids were such troopers. They played at friends' houses. They rolled with the punches of looking at houses over and over again. They stayed in hotels when we needed to. My kids were so merciful to me when my emotional state was extremely dark. I remember getting only about 4-5 hours of sleep every night because I just couldn't sleep. My mind just kept going and worrying about every possible scenario. My kids started school not knowing where their home would be. All the excitement of a new school year and new friends was clouded with so much uncertainty for all of us. To say that it was a dark time is probably right on. However, even when you're not sure how God will provide, you know He always does. And He did. He gave us a home and a thriving business. Even better then when we left it. He has provided new friendships and stronger friendships. He is working on the places in my marriage and in my family that have needed work, like really needed work! God has slowly been opening our eyes to all the things that He desires to fix in our home.
The last time I posted about my oldest son was about the sadness of finishing out the first grade. His poor heart was just broken by not being accepted in his new class. He felt stupid and he said he hated himself. Oh, my mommy's heart still breaks typing those words. Well, he started the 2nd grade at his old public school here in Modesto. The year started out fine, but he had more behavior problems then he's had before. Acting out, not following directions, confronting his teacher etc. He just wasn't the same little boy I have known him to be. He was shutting down. I think it started in Texas and just carried on into this year. It's as if he couldn't put words to his feelings so he was trying to do his best without knowing how to express himself. There was a lot of anger, yelling, frustration and he just couldn't tell me why. So I started praying about moving schools. This time to a Christian school. I just felt like I needed more support outside of my home. Cade had been through a lot over the past year and I just felt like he needed to feel safe not only at home, but at school as well. I prayed, Chris prayed and slowly we felt like God was saying yes, take the leap. Now granted, I am just coming off of a horrendous experience moving him schools in Texas. The kids were mean, the school did not care a whole lot, and I have an anxious son, so my heart was so scared to move him. Ok, let me back up. As we first started praying about moving Cade in the current school year, we decided for sure to move him next year for 3rd grade. So, I took Cade to an open house that the Christian school was having for prospective students. Cade absolutely loved it and the first thing he picked up on, was being able to worship and pray in the classroom. I was dumbfounded that the spiritual aspect of the school was what spoke to him the most. I thought for sure it'd be PE or the kids or the classrooms, but to know that my child was being sensitive to the Holy Spirit is what clued me in to what his struggles really were about. Cade was in the middle of a spiritual battle in the public schools. He noticed that he was different. He noticed that other kids don't think the way he does. He felt different. He felt like he couldn't talk about Jesus or what he learns at Awana or church or even at home. Cade couldn't express this to me because he didn't even understand it. Not many 7 year olds would understand it either. After visiting the Christian school, Cade cried on his way back to his old school. He didn't want to go back. Again, insert mom broken heart here. So we prayed and God made it abundantly clear through a dream my husband had, that the time to move Cade was this year. It has been so fantastic! I feel like my boy is back. I feel like his heart was missing something and now it is whole again. Cade comes home from school excited about his friends, excited about what he's learning in Bible and in chapel. He still doesn't like homework, but who does?! He immediately made friends and was welcomed into his new class with such a Christ-like love. Most days, he talks my ear off on our ride home. It just blesses my heart. God knew what Cade needed and I am so glad we could respond to what He was telling us to do.
God has been so faithful, even when my faith has been small.
So now I am back to where I was around this time last year. I am thinking of summer and my summer schedule! I fully intend to follow through with it this year! Time to start pinning projects and Fun Friday adventures with my crew! A few of my kid goals this summer are: Caelyn (my 5 year old) to strengthen her reading, letter sounds, blending and get her up to 30 sight words, maybe more! She's at about 10 right now, so I think we can do it! Cade- to increase his responsibility around the home. We've got lawn mowing almost down, but I think we can do better with dog poop pickup and helping around the house. I want him to learn to cook one meal all on his own too (he's going to LOVE that one). Also, I want Cade to read 5-10 books and write at least 5 book reports. Caige (my 3 year old), I want to focus on 1st time obedience and starting our letter sounds. I also want him to recognize his first and last name and numbers 1-10. I'm so excited for these goals! Of course all the kids will be working on first time obedience and household chores. We are a team and I think we can smash all of these goals as a team!!
Some summer goals for myself: I have been eating clean for most of the year already and I would like to continue this. It's really hard to be super strict, but I'd like to focus on my meal planning along with my weekly summer schedule with the kids. I'd like to be in the gym 4 times per week. I'd say 5 but it's the summer, so I want to be realistic. Lastly, and probably the hardest goal for me, is to make and stick to a budget all summer long. AHHH! Did I really just type that?! Can I take it back?? No but really, this is one of those areas that I am SO bad at!! I am pretty much unorganized in all aspects of my life but this one is my arch nemesis!!! Ok, I think that's enough goals for me. Just typing the word goals makes me want to run and hide. I'd rather fly by the seat of my pants and be spontaneous, but I'm raising kids to be better then I am so I am working on myself right along side these kiddos. I mean how can I teach and preach to them if I am not willing to admit that I need work too?
I named this blog Team Mom 101 because I constantly feel like I am in a freshman in this mom business. I'm in a class, learning alongside some other bright and beautiful women. We are getting pop quizzes and exams and trying to cram in material so we can face the next test of parenting!! AHH! However, I have the best instructor in the universe and His name is Jesus. He lovingly reminds me of his grace and mercy as I stumble and fumble through. He directs me to His word that provides the answer when I need it and the comfort when I can't find the answer. He never fails His students. He keeps giving us make up tests and do overs. And when I feel like I'm failing, His perfect grace washes over all of me as He wraps His hands around my face and says that I am still His favorite. It's pretty much the best class I have ever taken, but the hardest one too. I'm just thankful to sit in the presence of a Savior who won't give up on me. He has never let me go and He never will.
The last time I posted about my oldest son was about the sadness of finishing out the first grade. His poor heart was just broken by not being accepted in his new class. He felt stupid and he said he hated himself. Oh, my mommy's heart still breaks typing those words. Well, he started the 2nd grade at his old public school here in Modesto. The year started out fine, but he had more behavior problems then he's had before. Acting out, not following directions, confronting his teacher etc. He just wasn't the same little boy I have known him to be. He was shutting down. I think it started in Texas and just carried on into this year. It's as if he couldn't put words to his feelings so he was trying to do his best without knowing how to express himself. There was a lot of anger, yelling, frustration and he just couldn't tell me why. So I started praying about moving schools. This time to a Christian school. I just felt like I needed more support outside of my home. Cade had been through a lot over the past year and I just felt like he needed to feel safe not only at home, but at school as well. I prayed, Chris prayed and slowly we felt like God was saying yes, take the leap. Now granted, I am just coming off of a horrendous experience moving him schools in Texas. The kids were mean, the school did not care a whole lot, and I have an anxious son, so my heart was so scared to move him. Ok, let me back up. As we first started praying about moving Cade in the current school year, we decided for sure to move him next year for 3rd grade. So, I took Cade to an open house that the Christian school was having for prospective students. Cade absolutely loved it and the first thing he picked up on, was being able to worship and pray in the classroom. I was dumbfounded that the spiritual aspect of the school was what spoke to him the most. I thought for sure it'd be PE or the kids or the classrooms, but to know that my child was being sensitive to the Holy Spirit is what clued me in to what his struggles really were about. Cade was in the middle of a spiritual battle in the public schools. He noticed that he was different. He noticed that other kids don't think the way he does. He felt different. He felt like he couldn't talk about Jesus or what he learns at Awana or church or even at home. Cade couldn't express this to me because he didn't even understand it. Not many 7 year olds would understand it either. After visiting the Christian school, Cade cried on his way back to his old school. He didn't want to go back. Again, insert mom broken heart here. So we prayed and God made it abundantly clear through a dream my husband had, that the time to move Cade was this year. It has been so fantastic! I feel like my boy is back. I feel like his heart was missing something and now it is whole again. Cade comes home from school excited about his friends, excited about what he's learning in Bible and in chapel. He still doesn't like homework, but who does?! He immediately made friends and was welcomed into his new class with such a Christ-like love. Most days, he talks my ear off on our ride home. It just blesses my heart. God knew what Cade needed and I am so glad we could respond to what He was telling us to do.
God has been so faithful, even when my faith has been small.
So now I am back to where I was around this time last year. I am thinking of summer and my summer schedule! I fully intend to follow through with it this year! Time to start pinning projects and Fun Friday adventures with my crew! A few of my kid goals this summer are: Caelyn (my 5 year old) to strengthen her reading, letter sounds, blending and get her up to 30 sight words, maybe more! She's at about 10 right now, so I think we can do it! Cade- to increase his responsibility around the home. We've got lawn mowing almost down, but I think we can do better with dog poop pickup and helping around the house. I want him to learn to cook one meal all on his own too (he's going to LOVE that one). Also, I want Cade to read 5-10 books and write at least 5 book reports. Caige (my 3 year old), I want to focus on 1st time obedience and starting our letter sounds. I also want him to recognize his first and last name and numbers 1-10. I'm so excited for these goals! Of course all the kids will be working on first time obedience and household chores. We are a team and I think we can smash all of these goals as a team!!
Some summer goals for myself: I have been eating clean for most of the year already and I would like to continue this. It's really hard to be super strict, but I'd like to focus on my meal planning along with my weekly summer schedule with the kids. I'd like to be in the gym 4 times per week. I'd say 5 but it's the summer, so I want to be realistic. Lastly, and probably the hardest goal for me, is to make and stick to a budget all summer long. AHHH! Did I really just type that?! Can I take it back?? No but really, this is one of those areas that I am SO bad at!! I am pretty much unorganized in all aspects of my life but this one is my arch nemesis!!! Ok, I think that's enough goals for me. Just typing the word goals makes me want to run and hide. I'd rather fly by the seat of my pants and be spontaneous, but I'm raising kids to be better then I am so I am working on myself right along side these kiddos. I mean how can I teach and preach to them if I am not willing to admit that I need work too?
I named this blog Team Mom 101 because I constantly feel like I am in a freshman in this mom business. I'm in a class, learning alongside some other bright and beautiful women. We are getting pop quizzes and exams and trying to cram in material so we can face the next test of parenting!! AHH! However, I have the best instructor in the universe and His name is Jesus. He lovingly reminds me of his grace and mercy as I stumble and fumble through. He directs me to His word that provides the answer when I need it and the comfort when I can't find the answer. He never fails His students. He keeps giving us make up tests and do overs. And when I feel like I'm failing, His perfect grace washes over all of me as He wraps His hands around my face and says that I am still His favorite. It's pretty much the best class I have ever taken, but the hardest one too. I'm just thankful to sit in the presence of a Savior who won't give up on me. He has never let me go and He never will.
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